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Ermoon :: Ermoon Worldwide :: Oliver's Sick Polls :: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time Poll Poll Question: Who gets props for fighting the coolest fantasy fight? The nominees are: Poll Options:   You must be logged in to vote in this poll. Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble L China|0|2|2|1 (2 votes, 20%) Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble L China|0|2|2|1 (2 votes, 20%) Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble L China|0|2|2|1 (2 votes, 20%) Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble L China|0|2|2|1 (2 votes, 20%) Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble L China|0|2|2|1 (2 votes, 20%) Poll Totals:   Total Votes: 10 Total Voters: 1 Author Topic: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time (Read 142 times) Oliver Administrator member is offline The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure... Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 872 Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Thread Started on May 31, 2003, 1:35am » Yellow Turbans Vs Red Turbans: Big Trouble Little China The scene: Jack Burton's truck (the Pork Chop Express) gets stuck in an alleyway in china town as a chinese funeral procession slowly marches by. Dozens of yellow turbaned pall bearers carry a large casket chanting ancient chinese ancestrial muzak. Suddenly swarming from the other end of the alley come red turbaned men. Some carrying machine guns, most carrying an odd assortment of kitchen cutlery and decorative revolvers. The machine gunners proceed to open fire on the yellow turbans - shooting up the casket and forcing the pall beareres to drop the casket and duck for cover. Finally, the red turbans run out of ammo and an earie silnce ensues. The Yellow turbans (the ones still alive) pick themselves up, dust off thier gi's and grab the closest thing to a weapon they can find, the metal tubes used to carry the casket. "Chinese stand off" says Wang, Jack's asian sidikick "Don't say a word" Then the yellow turbans proceed to beat the ever loving hell " of the drowned sinners" out of the red turbans with their pallbear staves. Until the 3 stroms in superfly hats show up. Conan Vs Axe & Hammer Bros: Conan the Barbarian The Scene: Conan is deep inside Thulsa Doom's underground lair. After killing everyone else, he finds himself confronted with the two big sub-boss dudes with cool weapons (a giant war hammer and a double axe). After a brief moment of silence for the audience to admire the flexing muscles of the combatants, the trademark bad a$$ Connan music alerts us of the proceeding a$$ whooping. At the top of a staircase, Conan pushes over a huge cauldron of cooked cream of human soup. As the scalding liquid and body parts cascade onto his attackers an epic battle ensues. One of the dudes actually manages to destroy a column with his HUGE war hammer when he misses Conan... Ash Vs Evil Asheses: Armies of Darkness The Scene: Ash, after accidentally breaking a mirror in a haunted windmill, causes dozens minirature evil versions of himself to leap from the broken shards. A great battle ensues in which Ash attempts to kill his villianous mini-me's. Finally he is overcome by the small army and they strap him down and force him to swallow one of there brood. Ash immediately attempts to kill the little guy jumping around his stomach by drinking scalding water and punching himself in his chest. Suddenly, Ash begins to grow another head - ettin style. The new head is evil and they begin a fight around a haunted windmill. Soon the simease twins separate and the evil ash speaks. "Your goody-goody two shoes Ash" mocks evil-ash "I'm evil, bad ash" flash to good-ash who blows evil-ash away with a shotgun. "Good, bad I'm the guy with the gun." Talon Vs Guards: Sword and the Sorcerer The Scene: Corrupt city gurads surround a hapless young lady in an alleyway. She tries to defend herself with a concealed dagger but they disarm her easily and force her to the floor. "Now I'll prick you with my dagger..." One of them says as he drops his tunic down around his ankles and prepares to do something chaotic evil . But wait! They hear a mocking laugher at the other end of the alley. Turning about face they see Talon, the nondescript hero in leather and hide armor. Chewing on a large turkey leg he chortles and points at the the guard's midsection with his dinner "Thats a small threat." The guards, infuriated at having thier fun disrupted draw steel and charge Talon, who beats all 5 guards senseless with his turkey leg. Afterwards, standing atop a mound of unconscious guards and a terrified woman, he looks at his destroyed turkey leg, sighs, and helps the woman to her feet. Madmardigan Vs Everybody: Willow The Scene: Madmardigan and his midget supporting actor flee to the old abanonded keep Tir Asleen. They expect a small army of Bavmorda's men will attack the castle soon. Madmardigan, heads straight for the armory, arms himself to the teeth with everything but the kitchen chamber pot. And as the enemy begins busting down the main gate sets up a variety of traps and crossbows up. The army charges and amid the attacking army, trolls, and dragon fire Madmardigan manages to put on a dazzling show of shooting, stabbing and catapulting his way to victory. Hinally his cunning and heroics win over Bavmorda's Daughter's heart (at first leading the evil soilders she then falls in love with the dashing swordsman and fighst at his side). « Last Edit: May 31, 2003, 1:45am by Oliver » Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Knasty Mike Moderator member is offline Ha do ken! Ha do ken! SHO-RYU-KEN!!! Joined: Oct 2002 Gender: Male Posts: 349 Location: Austin TX Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #1 on May 31, 2003, 12:57pm » Man, this one was hard for me. I freakin' love two of those fight scenese so dang much. I think the "Chinese Stand Off" is great, as is the Conan fight. In the end, I give it to Conan, and here's some more minor detais. The mustachioed guy with the double (sorta quad) axe is named Rexor, and he was Thulsa Doom's high priest in the snake tower. The guy without a hairlip is Thorgrim, and he uses the giant warhammer. He also raises the snakes for Thulsa Doom. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged The RevolutioKn lives. Mary had a little lamb... but I ate it. Oliver Administrator member is offline The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure... Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 872 Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #2 on Jun 1, 2003, 11:42am » Right on man. For me it was a toss up between Conan, Turbans and Talon. If anyone hasent seen Sword and the Corcerer they should. Classic (and a bit cheesey I'll admit.) Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Nakia Administrator member is offline Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 124 Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #3 on Jun 4, 2003, 8:51am » I had to vote for Ash v Ash, just because of the one liner at the end: "Good, bad -- I'm the guy with the gun." Ash is the king of the quip. I will admit I have never seen the Sword and the Sorceror and it's been a long time since I have seen the rest of those. "Listen up, you primative screwheads!" "Groovy." Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged What we have here is a complete lack of respect for the law. -- Sherriff Buford T. Justice Duck de Guerre Administrator member is offline 'Ducks, the policeman knew, were supposed to breathe fire, and sometimes get themselves killed.' Joined: Sept 2001 Gender: Male Posts: 1,298 Location: Bryan, TX Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #4 on Jun 4, 2003, 5:12pm » I had to go with Madmardigan...he makes that gold armor look so good after the fight, you wouldn't know he'd been spewing blood from every cut of hs sword! In the long run, his is best 'cause the girl can fight...an she's still impressed! None of the Zena macho stuff. She knows when a man's in town! Too bad you didn't have Yoda and Lord Doom i there, Oliver. Cheers! Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Oliver Administrator member is offline The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure... Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 872 Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #5 on Jun 4, 2003, 5:23pm » That was an interesting fight but lacked some of the hardcore flare I like to garner in my Sick Polls. Link to Post - Back to Top   Logged Duck de Guerre Administrator member is offline 'Ducks, the policeman knew, were supposed to breathe fire, and sometimes get themselves killed.' Joined: Sept 2001 Gender: Male Posts: 1,298 Location: Bryan, TX Re: Top Fantasy PPV Bad A$$ Fights Of All Time « Reply #6 on Jun 4, 2003, 6:05pm » Yeah... "Lightsaber your bunghole, I will" needed to be in there or something like it to qualify. heh heh Cheers! 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